the tears that ran down my face
by blooody.love
Summary: The story goes on after the latest episode 2x18 "Selfless, Brave and True". Emma has trouble with the changes in her life, and tries to manage everything on her own. But since there are people who truly care about her, it often doesn't work out as she wants it to. (For fans of Captain Swan, Red Swan and the Charmings)
1. Chapter: There's no way out of it

**Chapter 1: There's no way out of it**

Emma had been visiting the Jolly Roger for the last few days. She needed to make sure that he was still there and not causing any kind of trouble in town. She knew how Neal would react as soon as he found out that Hook had been on the ship the entire time. And he would probably find out soon enough.

Emma opened the door of the cabin. It was dark in there and her eyes needed a few seconds before she could see anything. Hook was –

Gone?

"Damn!", she muttered to herself. "This bastard!"

She searched for him on the entire ship but the pirate was just gone. Every cabin was empty and he wasn't on deck either.

Emma sighed and crossed her arms. Not good.

What was she supposed to do now? She had to find him as quickly as possible. But who to ask for help? Nobody knew that she hadn't left him on his own in Manhattan. She had hidden him on his ship, hoping he wouldn't cause any trouble and Neal wouldn't be wondering how the ship could sail without its captain. So far, everything had gone unbelievably great. And now? Now he was being a problem again.

Emma's phone rang.

She took it out of her jacket and looked at the display.

Mary Margaret. Great.

Emma sighed again and answered her phone. "Yeah?"

"Emma, where are you?", asked Mary Margaret. Her voice sounded concerned. "We wanted to meet you at Granny's."

"I'm sorry, I had some things to do.", answered Emma. She knew that her mother kind of accepted it if Emma had a few secrets she didn't want to share.

"Well, okay. Do you still want to come over and have dinner with us?" This time her voice sounded hopeful. She wanted to spend time with her daughter. Emma was still not really used to the situation and as much as she wanted to spend time with her parents, too – she often prefered to be on her own to figure out all of this.

"Not today, sorry." She really was. "I'm busy at the moment."

"Okay, then… see you at home later."

"Yeah, see you.", Emma answered before she hung up.

Maybe she should've asked her parents for help. She needed to find Hook. But she could not asked anyone for help. It was her fault that he had been here the whole time. And it was also her fault that he disappeared. And it would also be her fault if he caused problems. And everyone who'd find out that she was responsible that Hook was here in Storybrooke was also allowed to blame her.

She told herself to concentrate. Where could he possibly been gone? The only thing he was out for was his revenge on Rumplestiltskin. Was Hook really that stupid to try it again? Was he up to kill Rumplestiltskin? Or Belle?

Belle has lost her memory which was one part of the revenge. Hook almost killed Gold which he actually wanted to accomplish. Didn't work out.

Only one way to find out if Gold was still alive. Her phone still in her hand, Emma dialed Neal's number.

It took only a few seconds before he answered. "Emma…"

"Neal, just wanted to ask you how Henry is.", Emma said honestly. She wanted to call Neal for over one hour now.

"Great. We've ordered a pizza and now we're talking. He had a really interesting life, having an adoptive mother who's the Evil Queen and having his real mother who did never want to believe.", he said in a slightly accusing tone.

Emma swallowed her anger. "And your father? Is he okay?", she asked, hoping the question wouldn't seem suspicious.

"More or less. He's working. He wants to find a way to get Belle's memories back.", answered Neal. "So far, it doesn't look good."

"Tell him we're gonna find a way. And tell Henry not to go to bed too late. Tomorrow's school.", Emma said. It was a strange feeling to see her son spending time with Neal. She got used to spending all the time with Henry since he's not living at Regina's house anymore. She finally had the feeling to be part of a family, living with her father, her mother and her son. But since Neal was back Henry was also spending time with him and something changed. It was suddenly not only Emma's son anymore. It was also Neal's. And somehow she didn't want to accept that.

"Will do.", Neal said, bringing back Emma from her thoughts to reality. "If you want to, you can come over. Tamara is out for a walk and we've got enough pizza to share."

Emma blinked. "Thanks for the offer, but I got some things to do. Enjoy your meal!" She hung up.

The sun was gone now and it was dark on the ship. The water reflected the moon light. She listened to the waves that were goaded by the wind. It was an ice cold wind foreshadowing all the bad things to come. The sea had always given her strength and calm - and hope. The only thing she wanted to do was to sail far away from all her problems. She wanted her freedom back.


	2. Chapter: Run and Hide

Chapter 2: Run and Hide

Half an hour later, Emma took out her keys and opened the door to her apartment. The light was turned off which meant that David and Mary Margaret were still out. Emma fumbled around in the dark, searching for the light switch. She found it and turned on the light.

She took off her black coat, threw it on the couch, then she pulled off her boots and left them on the front door. She was too tired to tidy away her things.

Emma went straight to her room and turned on the lights. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, eyes closed. Why was everything that difficult? Why couldn't she live in an ordinary town with no magic, no evil queens and no ex-boyfriends who appear after half a lifetime again?

Emma sighed and went to her wardrobe while she unbuttoned her blue blouse.

"Nice to see you, love."

She nearly jumped out of the window. She swallowed and turned around towards the familiar rough voice. He was laying on her bed, arms behind his head, smiling and obviously enjoying the view.

"Hook.", she said in a calm tone. Meanwhile, she tried to do up the buttons again. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"There's no reason for you to put on the clothes again, darling." He grinned broadly. "If you want to you can join me. Your bed is really…" He raised an eyebrow. "comfortable."

"Get out of my bed!", she yelled at him instead. He still wore his coat and his dirty pirate boots.

Emma looked around, searching for something she could threaten him with.

"Are you searching for this?", he asked smugly.

She looked over at him again. His arms weren't behind his head anymore. Now he had a sword in his hands and admired it, trying to figure out how useful it would be in a fight.

Emma slowly became angry. It was _her_ sword and one of the few things she felt save with. "There are other things in this room I could knock you out with.", she said dryly. _For example, the vase on my nightstand._

Hook laughed. "I'm aware of that, love. But I'm not here to fight you." He sat up and put her sword back next to her bed. Then he looked at Emma again.

She crossed her arms.

"You still do not want to join me? I can see that you're tired, love. And I'll keep you warm, I promise." His voice sounded tempting.

She didn't reply. An honest answer could've been frightening.

Hook sighed. "Well, maybe next time then." He got up.

Emma heaved a sigh of relief. She hadn't had a guy in her bed for much too long. If Hook hadn't left her bed by now this could've ended very differently… in a bad way.

She blushed and looked down so that Hook couldn't see her burning cheeks. Even mass murderers seemed to be a pleasant option at this time. Or in that case, pirates.

Hook went out of her room and towards the living room. Emma followed him. She had some questions to ask. And she wasn't blushing anymore, so that she could face him again now.

"Hook, you haven't answered my question yet.", she said slightly annoyed.

He turned around and there was only a short distance left between the two. He crooked his head and raised one eyebrow. "I don't remember that I was being asked a question."

Emma smiled challenging. "I asked you what you're doing here."

A genuine smile appeared on his face. "And I told you that I was waiting for you."

Emma took a small step backwards. "Okay, let's try another one. I told you to stay on your ship. Why didn't you listen to me?"

He laughed out loud. "Sweetheart, you should know by now that I never listen to anyone. And this hasn't been your question before, so I'm not gonna answer it now." He turned around again and went towards the front door.

She grabbed for his arm. "Hook, listen to me."

He looked at her patiently. "Soon enough, love." He smiled and cast off her hand. "I'm sure your parents will be here in a few minutes and I don't think we'd enjoy this reunion." Then he opened the door and disappeared in the darkness.

Emma waited a few moments before she closed the door behind him. Maybe he wouldn't do anything stupid until they'd meet again. But "maybe" had never sounded like a comforting word to Emma.


	3. Chapter: I made my mistakes

**Chapter 3: I made my mistakes**

Ruby had already made a hot cocoa with cinnamon when Emma came through the Diner's door. Emma always took the same – at least, in the morning. Since Henry's father was in town, Henry often came here sooner or later than Emma did. Ruby knew that Emma didn't want her son to have such a close bond to his father, and she also knew that Neal must have left Emma at some point of her secretive life. Emma probably just wanted to protect Henry from getting hurt.

"Good morning!", Ruby greeted Emma cheerfully. She took the cup of hot cocoa and put it in front of Emma after she sat down on one of the stools.

"Good morning, Ruby!", Emma tried to smile at her. "Is Henry already in school?", she asked, looking around and searching for Henry.

"No, I think he'll be here in a few minutes.", Ruby answered, still smiling.

She didn't like Neal at all. She was Emma's friend and she was supposed to act like one. And Neal might have been a good father to Henry so far, but that didn't change the fact that he hurt Emma before. And since it looked like Emma wasn't one of the people who had many friends, she needed a true one concerning this matter. "So, about Neal… His fiancé is in town, people are worried."

"I understand. I don't know what to think about that, either.", Emma answered honestly, not sure in which direction this conversation was leading.

"And how do you feel about the fact that she's here?", Ruby asked.

Emma suddenly didn't feel comfortable in her skin anymore. Nobody asked her that question directly before and now she wasn't prepared to give a canny answer. She sighed. "I really don't know. She seems to be a nice person. But it feels strange." It was an honest reply.

"You don't have feelings for him anymore, do you?", Ruby asked, pushing a strand of her long black hair behind her ear.

Emma shook her head. "Fortunately, no. I just want Henry to be happy. And it seems like his father is part of his happiness. So, I don't have much of a choice when it comes to the question whether Neal stays or not."

Ruby nodded towards the door. "Speaking of the devil…"

Neal and Henry entered the Diner. Ruby smiled at Emma once more, showing her that she was there for her before she turned around and looked at Henry. "Hot cocoa with cinnamon, Henry?", she asked, ignoring Neal.

"Yes, please.", he answered. Henry saw Emma, ran towards her and gave her a long-lasting hug before he sat down on a stool beside her.

"Hey, kid." Emma took a sip of her cocoa before she looked over at Neal. He gave her one of his "we-need-to-talk" looks, then he took a seat next to Henry.

They talked for awhile about ordinary, non-magical things which was pretty unusual for people in this town. Ruby didn't say anything, she just listened, pretending to have other things to do. When Henry's bus arrived he said goodbye to all of them and left the Diner.

Neal looked over at Emma. "We need to talk.", he said in a serious tone.

She raised one eyebrow, avoiding to look at him. "Well, that's a first.", she replied sarcastically.

"Look…", he started, "my father told me Regina would do anything to get Henry back and since you definitely know her better than I do… maybe we should talk about some things. She's dangerous and she has magic. Don't you think we should be worried about this?"

Emma frowned. "I am, all the time. But I know that she would never hurt him and I think that must be enough for now. _Look_-" She looked over at him. "I managed to be a mother quite well before you came to Storybrooke, and I'm not gonna start doubting myself now. I can fight back if she tries something, because I have magic, too and you can believe me that I'm strong enough to hurt her. He's _my_ son and I-"

He interrupted her. "He's _our_ son and I should remind you that he tried to destroy the magic in this town because it's the thing that destroyed his life once before. I don't think it's great that his real mother has magic because he has already seen that his adoptive mother, _a person he cared about_, became evil because of it.", he ended. Then he said with a calmer voice. "You know there's always a price to pay when you use magic."

For a few moments, Emma was quiet. What did he want to tell her? That it would be better for Henry if she got out of his life? Magic had become a part of her life and she couldn't resist using it. But everything she'd done… had been for Henry, to keep him save.

"Regina became evil long before she adopted Henry. And I'm only using magic to keep my son save.", she told Neal, looking at him belligerent. "I know that you're not a fan of people who have magic, but it's part of me. I didn't choose it, it's just there. And I'm always gonna do what is best for Henry." Emma stood up, ready to go. She met Ruby's eyes. Ruby nodded encouraging and Emma left the Diner. She didn't care if Neal was sorry or not.

She did not care at all.


	4. Chapter: Nothing to say

Chapter 4: Nothing to say

Emma went to the pier. She always did when she needed time for herself. She sat down on the bench that carried a few important memories. August was one of them, so was Henry.

It was colder than yesterday. The sun hid behind dark clouds, an ice cold wind was blowing. Emma couldn't see the town because it was foggy and drizzly. It didn't matter to her that her hair and her clothes got wet, she had never been one of the women who cared much about their looks.

She crossed her arms, leaned back and looked over the sea. The sea had a strong effect on her. It calmed her down, made her feeling free again.

"May I join you, lass?"

She turned her head and looked over at the man who had this rough, calming voice. "Hook." He'd surprised her again.

"Swan.", he said with a smile on his face. He walked over and sat beside her, leaning forward. Emma didn't react, she was looking over the sea again, deep in thoughts. Hook did the same. Usually the sea had a comforting effect on him, too. But it was different with Emma here next to him.

When there was water, she was the fire. When there was peace, she was the trouble. When there was silence, she was the noise. When there was rain, she was the sun. Whenever he was around her, he had the feeling to be energized. There was no certain word he could describe the feeling with. When you saw her you'd know that trouble was coming up – but that you'd like the trouble. All the women he met in his entire life… no one had ever been like her. He definitely had strong feelings for her. He just hadn't decided if they were positive or negative yet.

He glanced at Emma. Her eyes were closed and her blonde hair whipped in the wind. "What are ya doin' here? It's a bit too cold for a princess, don't you think?"

She blinked. "I'm not a princess, _Killian_."

He couldn't help smiling. He liked to fight with her that way. She was putting up her wall again which made her even more interesting. Well, actually, the wall didn't bother him much. He was doing the same all the time. But he was able to admit it – in contrast to Emma. At the same time, this was also the reason why he could read her like an open book. He knew how she felt when she said she was fine. He knew that she wanted someone to lean on when she said she could handle it on her own. He sympathized with Emma in a very difficult way. Maybe there was a connection between him and her.

"Well, then…", said Emma. Hook glanced at her and caught her staring at him. She looked down as fast as possible. "Are you willing to answer some of my questions today?", she continued.

"It's worth a try, isn't it?", he replied and raised an eyebrow.

Emma looked up and tried to stare him down. "What are you up to, Hook? What's your intention?"

He studied her from head to toe. No doubt, she was a fighter. "It's the same as before, princess."

Emma sighed. This conversation was pointless. He wouldn't tell her anyway. "You could at least stop calling me princess."

He leaned back. The sky grew darker. The drizzle had become rain. "Unless I am mistaken, you _are_ a princess. The daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. And, to compliment you,-" He leaned closer to Emma. "-you also look like one."

Now, his face was just a few centimetres away from hers. She swallowed.

The pirate had an unusual effect on her. She closed her eyes. Maybe he'd go away.

She hadn't realized before that he was _much_ too close.

"Next time, love.", he mumbled.

She opened her eyes again by the time he was standing up. Emma watched him walking away until he disappeared in the fog.


	5. Chapter: The world owes you nothing

**Chapter 5: The world owes you nothing**

In the evening, Emma sat at a table in Granny's Diner. She ordered her fourth glass of whisky. She knew that Ruby was keeping an eye on her and Emma would've lied if she said it didn't annoy her. She was an adult and able to take care of herself.

The Diner's bell rang. Emma watched David and Mary Margaret entering. They spotted her and came over.

"Hey, Emma.", David greeted her while he sat beside her. Mary Margaret sat facing him. "Where have you been today? We've been searching for you in the entire town. You didn't answer your phone either."

"Sorry, I forgot it at home.", Emma answered. She had turned it off this morning and left it at home. She didn't need to explain herself. She was an independent human being and entitled to do whatever she wanted to.

Her mother shot a glance at David, Emma acted as if she hadn't noticed it. "So, did anything happen?"

David frowned and looked at her. "Hook is in town. I saw him near our office."

Emma shirked from his look. That was not good. It seemed like he hadn't even tried to lie low. No, he ran around in town, letting everybody know that he was back.

This was the right time to tell her parents that she brought him back to Storybrooke. _Stop lying, Emma!_, she told herself.

She realized that her parents were studying her, so she looked up again and shrugged. "Maybe he-"

Her mother gave her an ironic look.

Emma sighed. "What do you know about the Jolly Roger?", she started.

David thought about that for a moment. "It's Hook's ship.", he said confused. Then he added in a sarcastic tone, "His own marvel. He'd probably kill for it." David rolled his eyes.

Emma bit back a grin.

Mary Margaret looked up, she appeared to have an idea. "The Jolly Roger…", she said. "It was always described as a special ship because it can't sail without its captain."

David chuckled. "Well, that's the point, isn't it? The ship couldn't sail without its captain, so you hid Hook on his own ship and brought him back to Storybrooke." He looked at Emma. "And let me guess – you didn't tell Neal, either?!" It didn't sound like a question, it was a statement. Emma bit her lip and looked down, not sure how to react.

Suddenly a hand touched her arm lightly. Emma looked up, her father gave her a comforting smile. She smiled back, her eyes were filled with tears. She had no idea where these came from, she didn't weep easily.

She wiped off her tears with her spare hand. "Sorry", she said, looking from David to Mary Margaret and back to David again. "I didn't want to avoid you. I just-"

Her mother smirked. "You're just truly your father's daughter."

David raised an eyebrow and grinned at his wife. "Oh yeah?! Interrupt me if you can prove me wrong, but you've been the one who ran away from her problems and wanted to manage everything on her own. Meaning," His eyes moved to Emma again. "you're truly your mother's daughter."

Mary Margaret tried to scowl at her husband but she couldn't stifle a laugh either. Emma looked at both of them, smiling. But at the same time she realized something she never realized before. She wanted this.

David and Mary Margaret, Snow and Charming or, well, her parents… These two people loved each other. They truly loved each other.

Emma wanted that, too. Someone who looked at her like David looked at Mary Margaret. Someone who was crazy for her. Someone who'd fight for her like hell. Someone who'd always choose her.

Emma hadn't believed in true love anymore since Neal left her. But even at the time she had been with him… she hadn't been convinced that there was such thing as true love. And now she looked at Snow White and Prince Charming – who were also her parents – who had been the ultimate true love couple every child knew. But this wasn't a fairy tale, at least not anymore, this was _real_.

They found their true love again in the real world. Why shouldn't Emma be able to find her true love here, too?


	6. Chapter: The weakness of strength

Chapter 6: The weakness of strength

Emma was in her office, going through some documents that lay on her desk for over a month now. She actually prefered to do the outside work, meaning, threatening some people with her beloved gun and clapping them into jail. She wasn't in her element when she had to sit still. It may have been a part of her job, but she didn't really like it. There were other things to do.

That guy, Greg, was still in town and Emma hadn't found out yet why he was staying. There was no reason for him to stay unless he had a reason he didn't want to tell her.

Emma heard footsteps. She looked up and saw someone in a black coat and with a hook entering her office.

She leaned back and waited for him to come closer and to start the conversation.

He met her eyes and sat down in the visitor's chair. "Good morning, princess.", he said with a smile. "Have you slept well?"

She ignored his innuendo completely. "Seems like you survived the night."

He shrugged. "Aye. This town might be dangerous, but I have my secret hideaways."

Emma looked good, a little bit different as usual. She wore curls today. With straight hair, she looked like a fighter. With curls, she looked like a princess. He couldn't decide which option he liked better.

"I never questioned that for a moment.", Emma mumbled more to herself than to Hook. "What do you want?", she asked in a louder, commanding tone.

"Well…" He raised an eyebrow, now grinning. "I wanted to see you."

She looked at him challenging. He didn't react, so she leaned over the desk until their faces almost touched. "What do you want, Hook?", she repeated with a low voice.

He didn't move. Should he continue playing games with her or rather tell her why he came to her office? Neither possibility would make her happy.

Hook sighed. Sometimes playing games just wasn't the right thing to do. "I guess _you_ got a problem.", he said in a serious tone.

Emma frowned and leaned back again. She made a gesture with her hand. "Talk."

He said in a slightly accusing tone. "Besides that you're spending too much time with Rumplestiltskin's son-" She threw an angry look at him, but decided to stay quiet. "There's someone in town who's, well, up to nothing good."

"Could you be more specific?" Emma tried to stay calm. It looked like he wanted to stretch her patience.

Hook hestitated. Impatience was the ruin of strength. The wisest people were the most annoyed at the loss of time. That was the reason why impatience could cause those people to do foolish things. Impatience killed quickly. Hook, himself, hadn't survived a few decades because he was impatient. He waited for so long to take revenge on Rumplestiltskin, and now, after years of patience, it wouldn't take much longer.

And here was Emma. A strong woman whose greatest weaknesses were impatience and distrust. In a world filled with distrust, people weren't allowed to stop hoping. But some people had early given up in their life. Only the loneliest people didn't have anyone to trust. And Emma was one of them. Of that there was no doubt.

Maybe he could show her that fighting because of hope was far better than fighting because of responsibility.

He smiled at her genuinely. "Let me show you."

This time, Emma lost her temper. She jumped up. "Just spit it out already!", she yelled at him.

Hook hardly bit back smile. She was temperamental without a question.

He stood up, too, not bothering to hurry up. They had plenty of time.

Emma felt that her mind was tense, so she tried to calm herself down by breathing slowly and regularly again, only concentrating on her breathing.

It didn't really work.

"Let's go!", he said. Then he went out of her office without looking back.

"Hook!", she shouted. No answer. She took her black coat and ran after him.

"HOOK!", she screamed.

It seemed like there was no other option than following him. She damned this pirate to hell. He would be the death of her someday.


End file.
